Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Happy 4th Birthday, Twiggy Four

Today (or yesterday in his country) is Twiggy Four's 4th birthday. I had hoped to have news of if and when he might come home by last Christmas if not by his birthday, but here we are and there is nothing to tell. You might remember our first little boy we had our eyes on that we celebrated his 3rd birthday March 22nd. We had a cake and sang to him while we videotaped. And then we he was placed with another family. This time, I mentioned it to the kids in the van but otherwise didn't make a big deal out of it. At least outwardly. I'm trying so hard to not have us attach and get hurt again. Inwardly... well, that's another story. I'm afraid my heart is already gone and there's not much I can do about it. What makes it so difficult is just the not knowing if he's ours. With the girls, the waiting was hard, but once we had a picture and a referral, we knew they were ours. We just had to wait until we could go get them. And not to downplay the wait...it was incredibly difficult. This not knowing thing though is also incredibly difficult. I've always dreamed of giving a home to a little older boy who might never be adopted. And I've always wanted a little Asian boy. If we don't get this little boy, it's probably the end of the road for us in regards to international adoption, and that makes me sad. But even in the sadness, I know that it is for the best. We have prayed over and over again that God's will would be done and we know He always gives us His best. Even when we don't understand. We've had plenty of opportunity to learn that lesson, so once again we find ourselves trusting Him that He will only give us the absolute best. I read something recently that said something along the lines of if we didn't have to wait, we would miss out on the opportunity to see God work. We wouldn't need Him to do anything. Do I want that? Absolutely not! Therefore, I thank Him for the waiting because I know I will praise Him when His plan is completed.

All that said, is sure wouldn't hurt if anyone wants to pound on the gates of Heaven and ask for some action. "Ask and you will receive" comes to mind...